wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
