I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
