We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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