We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
