Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
