Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
