Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
This gyro tastes like lonliness
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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