i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
