Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
