just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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