I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize