3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
how drunk are you?
Several
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