even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
