Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Rumble strips road head = magical
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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