So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
