Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
