She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
