I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
