And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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