Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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