You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
