You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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