Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
