Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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