So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
