Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
MIDGETS
????
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
