I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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