Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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