We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize