I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
