even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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