allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize