im six kinds of drunk right now
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
