i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
