No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
