Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
