i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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