Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
