Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
