I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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