Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
