I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
