Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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