Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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