some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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