so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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