can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i believe in u and ur pee
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
