I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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