I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
