suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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