no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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