After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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