That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Vodka?
Forever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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