1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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