i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How does one acquire holy water?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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