halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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