I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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