Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
