I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
