This girl is more easily done than said...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize