just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
