i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
