you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
