I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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