NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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