so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
