your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
