pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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