Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He shit in the fireplace
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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